Thursday, May 24, 2012

Introducing Leia Madeleine

It was a beautiful Sunday. I was bored at home and feeling blue, as I was accustomed to feeling toward the end of my pregnancy. The stress of being pregnant, tired, overworked, and losing patience was getting to be too much. I called my parents and they came and picked me up to hang out with them. I hadn’t slept for 2 days. I’m not exaggerating, sleeping was near impossible at this stage of pregnancy. If it wasn’t the acid reflux waking me up, it was just being uncomfortable. Sleeping during this entire pregnancy was near impossible and I was always sore and exhausted. Well, although I had slept, I pushed myself along to go food shopping and accompany my parents to Pier 1 and a gardening center/nursery. I then asked to go to Babies-R-Us to get into a baby mood. As I said, I was feeling blue and exhausted.

My parents fed their huge pregnant daughter and drove me home. I finally had a chance to lay down and sleep. Jeremy was home and tired too (when Maraley doesn’t sleep, Jeremy didn’t get a chance to sleep well either).

“I’m gonna’ lay down and watch some Netflix” I said to Jeremy.

I lay down on the bed and get good and tucked under the covers. Finally I’m tired enough to sleep in any position. And then…

“Jeremy…Jeremy….Can you help me up out of bed….I uh…think my water just broke” it was 9:15pm on May 6th.

It wasn’t the gush that you see on TV and in movies. Just a small trickle every few minutes. I was very calm about it all. I called my sister, who was the ride to the hospital. She started freaking out. I told her to take her time because I wanted to shower and get ready. Yes, I wanted to get dressed, complete with make up and hair done, before I went to hospital.

Jeremy took a nap.

My sister arrived and we left shortly after 12am. It hit me. I was going to have my baby in my arms very soon. Finally, after 9 months of waiting, she was going to be here. Jeremy was exhausted and seemed very out of it.

Well, hours passed with no progression to my labor. I didn’t sleep all night and morning soon came. I came in the hospital dilated at 3cm….and at 12pm I was only at 5cm. The Pitocin was just not working, and my baby was not dropping. Finally, we all came to the decision that she had to come out with a Caesarian Section. She was in a ROP position and could not descend the birth canal. She was stuck. Baby and I were very tired. Doctors were throwing around the idea that she was significantly large. My ultrasound a week prior estimated her size to be 8 lbs, but I didn’t think she was any bigger than that since I gained only 35 lbs my whole pregnancy and my belly wasn’t all that big. Ultrasounds have the notoriety of being off by a pound or more.

They prepped Jeremy and I up for the procedure. I was trying to stay as calm as possible. The doctors were remarking how I was going to be an excellent mom if I could keep so calm and have a steady heartbeat. I was scared shitless.

“You won’t feel any pain, it will register as pressure,” Mr. Very Nice Anesthesiologist said.

Well, pressure is fucking pain, let me tell you! With some snips, incisions and careful yanking, I hear Dr. Cha, my amazing OBGYN say, “OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT HEAD” and I shoot an angry look at my dear large headed Jeremy.

“Oh my god look at that gorgeous face. She’s so beautiful…oh my god, she’s soo big. Holy shit this is the biggest baby I think I ever delivered.” I thought it was all exaggeration.

With a final yank, and lots of friggin pressure, I hear her cry. Her beautiful soft cry. I see the nurses rush her over to get cleaned and Jeremy’s first words about her are “She has hair!”. We both thought she would be bald since we were bald babies ourselves. The second thing he says, “She has my eyebrows!”.

At the weigh in I hear them say, “10lbs, 4 oz”

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” yes, that is what I said. How she got so big without me eating a ton, having gestational diabetes or some other health problem, I still do not know. As my doctor said, “Some women have big babies”. Lucky me.

Jeremy was trying to get looks at her, but I had his hand in a death grip since I was being sliced up and sewn up and in pain. Finally, I look at him, let him go and say, “Go to her”.

Jeremy fell in love. Seeing him hold his daughter for the first time was probably the most beautiful moment of my life. More so than when I first got to hold her.

Everything else was a blur. When I first held her, saw her, fed her. It wasn’t till the next day that I really got my first good looks at her.

She still needed a name though. Jeremy and I decided to wait to give her a name. So she could help us choose it. We had a list of names we both liked. Audrey, Madeline, Celeste, Charlotte. Nothing fit her.

If you know Jeremy, you know that he is obsessed with Star Wars. It is kinda creepy and ultra nerdy. So before we even knew the sex of that baby I wanted to beat him to the punch. I said, “If it is a girl, her middle name can be Leia,” I figured giving him that small victory would save me hours of saying no to all these other crazy Star Wars OR Lord of the Rings names (his second obsession).

Well, one night while trying to sleep in the hospital it just hit me. Leia Madeleine. I looked over at her. She just looked like a Leia. All the other names were too dainty and polished, but when I looked at my daughter, I just saw this strong, tough little girl with such a big attitude. She just seemed like a Leia. When I suggested it to Jeremy the next morning, his stupid face lit up with excitement. He won. That son-of-a-bitch won.

We named her Leia Madeleine (Lay-Uh Mad-Uh-Line).

Here she is at the hospital, still swollen -



Here she is at home!

She is basically a brown version of her dad. I don’t know what I gave her. She has my eyes, nose, and lips but the overall structure of her dad.

He’s making the face she normally always does. They have the same haircut though!


Here is a rarity now-a-days. A picture of a very swollen and sore me. Look at those legs! Ugh, I’m so glad my body is back to normal now. But yeah, that’s me and Leia. I really hate taking pictures. This one was snuck passed me by my sister. I have to get better at taking them.

But yeah, that’s my chubby little baby girl! We love her soo much!

A Room For The Princess

So throughout the month of April in between all the napping, walking, shopping, napping, and waiting, I worked on putting together my baby girl’s room. It was an vacant dark green den with dim lighting and poor sunlight. With the help of my dad and Jeremy, we transformed the room into something a little more hospitable for a cute little princess.

So here are some pics! It still is a work in progress but we are slowly getting it together.



The dresser/changing table was a craigslist find. The original color was the same as the crib. It was obviously used looking, complete with nail polish remover burns and paint marks. But it was cheap and I knew it had potential. We used the left over wall paint for the drawers and a yellow/butter color for the rest of the dresser, turning this cheap little find into an adorable nursery addition. The crib is a hand-me-down from her cousins Juan and Javier, my brother’s boys. I didn’t want to change the color up due to the fact that it has a family history. The hanging lamp is her night light, used mostly for ambiance than for actual illumination. The hamper is a simple one from Babies-r-us by Koala Bear. The wall needs some art and the floor needs a rug. We’re working on it!


This is her little supply and toy center! I bought this cute little shelving unit at Target as well as the little storage boxes. They also have similar ones at Toys R us. Right now the shelves have some stuffed animals and books and the boxes hold her diapers and wipes and other baby needs but as she gets older it will probably just hold the bulk of her books and toys. The top of the unit has 2 mason jars for q-tips and cotton balls that I decorated and some photo brag books and an empty frame. There is also a metal plate that holds her pacifiers and a jewelry stand that just has some headbands for the time being. I love this little area because it holds all her stuff. My girl!

The Mason Jars I decorated. The q-tip jar was decorated with left over paint for the walls and dresser and the bottom cotton ball jar was decopaged with muslin and tissue paper that Jeremy really liked from a gift we received at the totally awesome co-ed baby celebration. The bottom jar needs a touch up of some sorts but I was rushed to the hospital to have a baby before I could finish it. Ya’ know, shit happens!

Her little wall art and decorative shelving. I used decorated mason jars as night lights here. All night lights are illuminated by LED tea light candles. Again, used mostly for aesthetic and not for actual light. They make the room pretty!

Ignore the random white kids in the frames. Still don’t have pictures of my love muffin. I may actually put other pics in them (Like Audrey Hepburn or Carrie Fisher Winking smile ). These jars I decorated using some ribbon I bought from Michaels and pieces of old jewelry I have worn and collected over the years as the embellishments. The stones inside are pink beach glass and the candles are LED ones. The shelves are made of metal and yellow decorative glass that I bought from Urban Outfitters. When light hits the shelves they leave yellow shadows on the wall. If you couldn’t tell, her nursery theme is yellow, purple, green and pink!

Well so far that is her room. I will be adding things to it as the days go on. It’s important she has something she can grow into the next few years. I don’t plan on renting forever, but Jeremy and I love our neighborhood and our apartment. Not sure about the schools around here yet, but we have some time for that still!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

To My Co-Workers


I was thinking about the best way to thank everyone without sending out a ba-jillion cards to the store. so I’ll just post it here on the blog. Oh technology! Ok, Imma’ let the baby take over. She’s highly advanced for her age. . .


Hey guys, how’s it hanging. Sorry it took me so long to come out! I was completely draining my mom of all food and energy so sorry this took so long to do.

Here we go:

To Cat, Lorraine, Krystle, Sandra, Kashe’ – Thank you for the awesome high chair. I’m still just feeding from bottles, but I can’t wait to throw my bowl onto the floor and create a big mess for my mom while sitting on this thing! Thanks!

To LiL Lo – Thanks for the Diaper Bag and the Ducky book. That bag carries all my stuff around and good thing too! I like to eat a lot which means I use the bathroom a lot. Lot’s of diapers and wipes. Mama reads me the book every night before bedtime. It’s riveting, I especially get all emotional when the duckies fly off the shipping boat. PS, please call social services, my mom threatens to punch me cause I’m so cute. . .

To Danay, Skye, Denisse, Manny, Hanif, Leeza, Sheila, and GiGi – Thanks so much for the pump. Mama had difficulty during delivery with me and I got a lil sick after birth so we needed to use this pump to get me my nutrition that I needed. Thank you soo much! It would’ve been super awkward to have Manny there doing it. ..

Sandra – I love my towel! I look so cute in it. I can’t wait to have my first bath so mama can actually put it to use instead of undressing me for no purpose and putting me in it just to see how cute I look. She’s weird.

Antonia – The Vans are to die for and those lil socks. Daddy wears Vans so when we opened this gift he was super excited to see that this is what you bought me. I can’t wait till they fit me!

Nicole – Girl, I love that dress! I wore it on mother’s day and I looked so darn cute! It was a hit! Thank you soo much for it.

Tiny – The clothes are amazing! I can’t wait to fit in some of those outfits. Mama is probably more excited to see me in it than I am. Since I’m a big girl I’ll probably be wearing them sooner than everyone thought! Thank you soo much!

Thanks again guys for all the gifts and all the well wishes! You guys rock!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why my baby isn’t here yet…

I’m going to admit, it gets rather annoying when well wishers become harassers with the constant question, “Where is that baby?'”

I’ll tell you where she is, she is in my uterus. Estimated due dates are exactly that, estimations. I am only one week past my EDD and that is for good reason: I am choosing to spend my pre-labor/prodromal labor at home.

Yes, I have been in labor. But it is a slow transitional labor. Had I rushed to the hospital with my first pre-labor twinges I most likely would have been medically induced and given Pitocin since I was contracting and dilating. Pitocin only works 100% if your cervix is soft and completely effaced, otherwise complications arise (stops working, dilation stops and 3 or 4 centimeters, baby’s heart rate drops). Than that’s when the whole C-section conversations starts. I do not want that. I want my pregnancy to occur naturally up until the point where she is in danger of losing her nutrient reservoir, aka her placenta. The choice to not have her yet is mine, not hers. I’m not going to rip her out of my uterus because I have a few labor pains. I’m waiting for that gut wrenching moment where I am 5-6 centimeters dilated, screaming in pain and being rushed to the hospital so nature can take its course. With active labor, you have a good 3-5 hours before the baby is born. I’m not worried about having her at home or in a car.

Some studies show that most women have their babies well past their due date. In fact, almost the same percentage of women that have their baby in their 39th week have theirs in the 41st. If it is your first time around, you are most likely to carry later. On top of all that, only 5% of women have their babies on their due dates. That number drops if you add the word VAGINALLY to that.

( )

What is normal for me may not be normal to you or her or her. It is just a matter of preference. I am willing to wait through all the annoying cramps, pains, bumps, lack of sleep etc. I just know if I go to the hospital they will induce me, and I do not want that unless it is absolutely necessary. As I have said before, I do not know when the sperm met the egg. I’m going by the date of my last period, not of conception.

So with that said, here is how I am doing; I am 3 1/2 cm dilated, cervix is soft and ready to go. I am off and on laboring at home and yes it is uncomfortable but not bad. Usually I watch movies, eat, walk around, sleep, or do housework. I have lost my mucus plug and have had a bloody show. Baby is in position but still refuses to turn to a complete anterior position so pressure is not enough on my cervix. I am waiting for that. Most likely she will turn a few hours before crowning. I am hoping.

I know everyone is just excited about meeting my little one and just cares about me and her. But it can be a little insulting and hurtful at times when people don’t understand why your baby isn’t there when they are “supposed” to be there. I just want to explain my reasons. I’m not a hippy so I don’t want a home birth, but I definitely do not want a 100% medically monitored/intervened pregnancy. I don’t want to be strapped up to machines for 14 hours, and I want to see how long I can go before I start screaming for the epidural. Remember, I had some gnarly IBS and those pains last for HOURS without the kindness of contractions that give you a few minutes to recover. Those pains I don’t wish on my worse enemy. I’ve heard other IBS sufferers who have had babies say the pain is exactly the same or worse than labor. So I kinda have a slight idea of the pain I am in for. A slight.

I’m sorry if this at all seemed rude, I just find it easier to explain my reasons through written word and I just didn’t want to give minute to minute updates via facebook or phone calls because I knew that would mean more people just calling me, asking about it, and concerned. Which I don’t want everyone worried or overly excited if it just means I am still in the waiting period.

So wait it out for me and give me the support I need in my choice to do this the most natural way I can. Or drive me to the hospital today so I can be induced. I’m dilated enough, but is my baby 100% ready? Can we be sure?

Friday, April 13, 2012

So I totally haven’t taken pics of the room yet…

But its because Jeremy and I were so busy nesting in our other rooms. We decided on working on our living room. Not because we have awesome furniture to place, but mostly because things were kinda thrown around. Jeremy sometimes feels like a stranger here and has boxes of his things thrown about because he doesn’t know where to put them. So he went through them yesterday and I helped him sort through his stuff so they can find a semi-perma home until we buy more organizational stuff (like bookshelves and drawers). We put up shades in our living room and I put away all my video game stuff and threw my random boxes away and now our living room looks presentable.

We both had productive days yesterday. Jeremy went skateboarding for a few minutes at the skate park across the street. Then he came back and decided he wanted to go for a run. As he was getting ready he asked me this question:

“Do you have a small watch, stopwatch or something?”

“I have a Hello Kitty watch from Mcdonalds…”

Jeremy straps on the watch and goes for his 20 minute run in my neighborhood. Couldn’t be more proud to call him the father of my child.

Then we went for a long walk with the Charles to the post office. And we bathed the little guy and clipped his hair. We decided Charlie was due a Mohawk.


I love that dog so much. That cute little scruffy dog.

Then we did some necessary house chores and just spiffed this place up real good like. I feel very good about the progress.

We’ve been collecting mason jars, so I’m going to use them as nightlights in the nursery. I just have to decorate them. Let’s see how those come out later today. Right now, I’m going to put my feet up and relax. I’m still a bit wiped out from yesterday’s chores and probably should remember that I need to slow down. Labor is going to be intensive. I had some major cramps yesterday and she’s dropping lower than a frat girl at a kegger. OOOH SO EXCITED!

Post my jars laterz.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Busy Mom-to-Bee

I’m finally off of work and this gives me time to put together the baby’s room, my apartment, and my life. You cannot even imagine the mess that was in my head. I was so overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. You think I would take it easy now….well I wasn’t at first…but I sure the hell am now!

The baby’s room is coming along fantastically and I will take pics tomorrow to show the progress. Now remember, it used to be an empty, dark green room. That’s your starting imagery.

My baby shower was tons of fun, but not without a hiccup. Well, more than a hiccup. My poor dad was sent to the emergency room with a heart attack at the end of the shower while we were cleaning up! That man doesn’t know the meaning of slow down and he just stressed himself a little too much. He is fine now, but at the time it was extremely stressful, as you can very well imagine. I haven’t had a chance to send thank you cards and it was 2 days before I could open gifts. Spending time with my mom and with family was my first obligation.

The baby is dropping every day and it makes it harder for me to stand or walk for long periods at a time. The doctor said she may be out a week early since my progress looks very good. I can’t wait for us to hold her in our arms. We are just too excited.

Well tomorrow Jeremy and I have some painting to do, shades to put up, additional cleaning and I have some crafting I want to get done. Then, in a few days once I feel baby stuff is settled, I think its time to pay attention to the shop once again! Its been gathering dust, but I think its high time to get some new stuff up and get a sale going on. Exciting!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

FAQ’s about the Baby Celebration

I’ve been getting asked a bunch of questions about the party and I figured I would just compile a FAQ list for everyone to just refer to. I want to be as helpful as possible so everyone can have as much fun as I will!

1. How do I get there?

Well I do not want to post directions on this blog, but the hall is easy to get to from the GSP, Route 21 or Route 3. If you are driving from Manhattan taking the Lincoln tunnel to 3 West would be your best bet, but if you prefer the bridge take route 80 to GSP south and boom, joo there. If you need more specific directions, call a bitch!

2. Where are you registered?

Jeremy and I are registered at Target. You can search my name or his name. If you don’t know how to spell my name…how are we friends or family?

3. How long is the party?

The party is only from 3pm to 7pm. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay there!

4. Wait, can I really drink at the party?

That’s what it said on the invitation, didn’t it? We will have beer supplied for you but you can always bring your own bottle if you prefer. Just don’t get sloppy drunk! This is a baby shower after all!

5. Should I buy a gift?

It is a baby shower! Of course you can always go in with another person and get a group gift to save some bucks. I’m excited to have my friends and family there and the thought always counts with me! Just try to get that thought at Target!

6. What should I wear? Do I have to get dressed up?

I didn’t think it was important to dress up, but some of my co-workers want reasons to wear pretty clothes and I said “go ahead”! I think it will be cute to have everyone there in their Sunday’s finest. But it isn’t necessary. If you are more comfy in t-shirt and jeans than so be it.

7. Where are you registered?

I’m registered at Target. That’s the stuff I really need. I probably won’t need 18 adorable bear shaped blankets and will probably return 17 of those so please try to keep to registry stuff!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Most Awesomest Co-Ed Non Girly Baby Celebration EVER!

That is what Jeremy and I decided to call our “baby shower”. I am not a traditionalist. As a matter of fact, I will go left if right is what tradition is. I am always looking for new ways or different ideas to celebrate or do something out of the ordinary for something that “traditionally” is done another way.

Why would my baby shower be any different?

As I have mentioned time and time again, I am not a girly girl. I see a baby bottle filled with jelly beans or a sock filled with chocolates and I want to run the other way. It’s so cliché. Just thinking about me surrounded by women in a room discussing breast feeding or diaper disaster stories makes me cringe. Or listening to stories from the single girls about how their boyfriends don’t want to commit will probably illicit a response from me like “ Get pregnant” while I shove mac and cheese into my mouth. I just don’t do these types of things well.

To me, having a baby shower for just me is a selfish thing to do. Jeremy is one of my closest, bestest friends and to have him not included in festivities celebrating the impending birth of his daughter seems like an outlandish idea. I want him there, drinking a beer, opening presents, mingling with my family and friends (most of his are on the west coast), and have his friends on this side enjoying themselves as well. I want all my friends there, not just the girls, but all those awesome dudes I’ve spent hours partying with. I love my friends husbands and boyfriends. I want a celebration!

So I decided to enlist the help of my mom and sis (my friends are busy and I don’t want to burden them with planning my baby shower) and decided to mold the idea of this baby shower to them. At first, they were a little “huh?” when I said I didn’t want to do the wicker chair, wishing well, diaper cake, baby feet, baby girl banners, etc etc. But as I explained how I thought all those embellishments were tacky, cliché, and kinda weird for guys to be around, they started to understand.

So here are some of the decisions we have made:

Home VS Hall VS Restaurant – Unfortunately the baby is due to pop in late April so the shower has to be in March or early April. Not the most reliable weather in the world happens around then. So the option to have it at a home seemed a little unreasonable (I have a big family). Restaurant seemed like the next logical choice, but restricted us from having the kind of celebration I really wanted. The hall seemed like the better choice. So we rented a space where we can be free to be as loud as we wanted!

lunch VS dinner – I suggested finger foods (sandwiches, empanada’s, hors d’oeuvres) but my mother was a nay on that. We looked at caterers but couldn’t decide on any. My precious auntie Aya volunteered her cooking services and now what I thought would be a simple few eats has become a full menu! Rice, chicken, pernil, potato salad, etc etc. This is going to be a Puerto Rican feast! Hey, Jeremy and I are not complaining! WOO HOO!

Entertainment – my brother will be bringing his DJ equipment and we will be listening to some of our favorite tunes! I want songs 80’s, 90’s and today. 80’s for when Jeremy and I were born, 90’s because that’s when our personalities were ultimately formed, and today for when our daughter is born. Aww adorable. Plus I want to get down to some Biggie, Nas and Mary J. East Coast for life!

Games – I want active games. Not those word finding games or jelly beans in jars. Those are okay, but not really me. What I designed was a contest. 6 teams of 2 people (preferably couples) will vie for the first place prize. 2nd  and 3rd prize games available too. Games will include beer in a baby bottle chugging, timed rubber ducky bobbing, nipple toss, bottle bowling and maybe baby charades. I’m still formulated the whole thing. It’s going to be epic. We may also have a poker tournament going on for the gentleman that prefers to win a little money. That will happen based on if we have enough volunteers.

So that’s pretty much it so far. As I get the things together I will post how it is going along. April 1st is the day it all goes down. Everyone thinks its going to be when I announce the ultimate April Fools Joke: “HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT, I’M NOT PREGNANT”

As awesome as that sounds, I assure you, I’m fully knocked up!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Self Centered

I had a dream the other night. The kind of dream where you lose yourself entirely and become completely enraptured and absorbed into the pseudo realm of your inner psychosis. In other words: I believed this shit to be real.

I went through the whole magic of labor and birth and had this beautiful baby girl. She was a cutie, with dark olive skin, green eyes and a creepy, intense stare (like her dad). The hospital said I was free to go home and I did. I was never so excited in my life. When I got home, I rushed to the mirror and looked at my body. I was a size 6 again. YES! I size down from before I had the baby. My breasts had retained their shape and I could walk around and breathe normally again, at the same time! I started to run around and I grabbed Charlie for a walk around the neighborhood, something I haven’t been able to do since before I got pregnant. He was so excited to see me like my old self again. Jeremy came home and I gave him a huge hug and told him to look at how great I looked. I was me again! No more acid reflux, cankles, swollen feet and hands, and I had energy! I felt like a million dollars. He was excited for me and we went for a run.

Jeremy’s first alarm out of his 85 that he sets went off. I awake and give an agitated grumble . He turns it off and flips over. I look down and my belly is still there. I get upset. I’m pregnant again. I still have 1 month and a half to go. I don’t want to do this anymore.

Then I realized the most messed up aspect of this whole scenario. After I had the baby, she was NO WHERE to be found in the dream. The one thing I was most excited about was not being pregnant anymore.

I recanted the dream to Jeremy and laughed at how ironic and ultimately disturbing how the one thing that I was most excited about was the fact that I was no longer pregnant.

“Isn’t that funny Jeremy? Just look at where my mind is, huh?”

I get creepy, intense upset stare. OOOPS!

Ok, so as horrible as it sounds that my subconscious is being a complete self centered dick, I understand exactly where its coming from. I am a very independent, fast paced, gotta’ move now and get it done kind of person and all this pregnancy has done was slow me down and make me rely on everyone else to give me a helping hand. It has completely denigrated me. An uninspired, low esteem Maraley is a very sad Maraley. So I can see why in my dream all I cared about was being me again. Having energy to do the things I loved to do. Looking the same way I did before. Before all the sudden surprises and change of my whole life.

Does it mean I unwelcome it? No, not at all. It just means that I don’t know for sure who or what I will be after I have my daughter. That is the ultimate fear. I’m sure once we meet all the apprehension will be put to aside  and I will be very comfortable with my new role as a mommy to my precious little girl. I always love a new challenge and as long as I don’t have something growing inside of me sapping away my energy, I’m sure I will accept this new stage of my life gracefully.

Hooray for self centered, mind opening revelations!

Oh and Jeremy is going to be a totally coo’ father. I just wanted to throw that in there and give his little ego a rub.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

I got to admit its getting better. . .

Okay, that last entry wasn’t my best. It was dripping of cynicism and negativity. Well…if ya’ know me I guess that entry was just very much me. Just not as funny.

Today we started work on the baby room. Actually, my dad started work on the baby room. Jeremy, my mother and I just sorta’ went food shopping, Charlie shopping, and surfed the web. Now, I know how to work a paintbrush probably better than most people, but when it comes to my father, no one knows how to do it better than him. That’s his living, he likes to build and paint (Need work done: contact Santos Remodeling for all your house-y needs!).

Like a dufus I forgot to take pictures of the room BEFORE we started the paintjob. It was a dark, diarrhea/exorcist puke green. It wasn’t a bad green, that’s just the shade it was. Imagine if the girl in the exorcist had less bile in her puke to make it pea color and it was just a more concentrated green. Yeah, like that. It took my dad 2 or 3 coats of white paint based in a primer to cover it up before he could start the pretty light shade/hint of purple we chose. I’ll take pics of it tomorrow. It makes me happy and more into the fact that I’m having a little girl, a fact that makes me a bit weary.

Oh, my poor little girl. I worry so much. Not just for the fact that she doesn’t have an older brother to protect her, like I did. But for the fact that she has a mother like me. I’m the absolute worse girl ever. To me, everything girly is utterly boring. I hate weddings, could care less about nail polishes, I hate having hair let alone doing it, I die a little inside when I have to sit through romantic comedies. Everything that is geared toward women is something that I probably abhor. Except make up….and clothes. Love that.

I guess I’ll get more into that in another post. Right now I'm letting my mind spill out before I start having organized posts again. A week to ramble before I get right back into subjects and making sense. My Carrie Bradshaw like ranting posts (ps I  loved Sex and the City…I guess I have a little more estrogen than I thought).

Till then, Imma’ just let it out and get my mind clean of all the clutter and bullshit that is floating around. If you’ve been pregnant before, you can probably understand what I am talking about. Complete emotional crazy shit show that is happening in those brains!


I don’t wanna’ complain. Honestly, I do not. But as I sit here with swollen feet, sausage fingers, ginormous boobs and farts from hell, I must say “How does one ever find the energy to do anything, let alone end up falling in love with the creature that has been causing this much discomfort and who in 13 years will start to hate your guts?”

I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant and finally started to slow down. Of course I still run after buses, chase around shoplifters, climb up ladders, scale the shelves in back stock, gyrate and do body roll dance moves at work, but I just do it a little more slowly.

When I get home I find myself so damn tired from running around all day that once I sit down, I pretty much stay down. This causes a problem. That problem being; I have to let housework slide. Etsy work, slide. preparing the house and my life for the baby slide. Taking care of Charlie slide. So when I finally do get a day off, I spend it running around trying to get errands, budgeting, shopping, prepping the baby shower (I have to have my say in it or else I will be stuck with this totally girly affair that I will be miserable at) and doing a bazillion other things to catch up with what I had left behind during the week.

I’m fucking tired…and the baby hasn’t even got here yet.

It’s my own fault. I want to do too many things because all my life I’ve done too many things at once. I’m fast paced and get bored if I don’t have things going on. I’m good at doing a lot of things at once. Just not right now, and its freaking frustrating.

Jeremy helps, but of course its under careful instruction. No, he isn’t mentally incapable of understanding how I like the toilet scrubbed, how to feed Charlie or how I like my budget balanced…he’s a man. I am a woman. I understand. I’m patient.

So right now, my life consists of lots of checklists in order for me to prioritize all the things I need to do. It’s a very long check list. *sigh*

I guess I should be chronicling these moments in my life. I have a daily diary that I really suck at writing in every day. Hmm, I should probably write in it after I write this entry. I need to get better at giving a shit about these kinds of things.

I will. I will also be funnier. Right now, my gas pain is giving me a headache and I just spent 1 hour crying about my dog having diarrhea. I’m exhausted.


Oh yeah, Whitney Houston died.

I lost myself in this blog and in life. I’ve been so polite and I held my tongue on so many subjects. I’ve decided, I’m just going to let who I am just fly on this blog and not care who I offend. I’m not offensive, I’ve just been trying to spare the sensitive. I’m just New Jersey is all.

I don’t know where that random thought came from, my thoughts are a bit all over the place. I guess what I am trying to say is that I’m not going to hold back on who I am anymore. I apologize if I seem abrasive from now on, but I feel I have that great talent to say what other people are thinking and feel no shame in voicing that opinion.